X-core panic..

I'm not sleeping. Well, not without intense nightmares/sex nightmares. And the medication I take for my lovely friend, my panic disorder, isn't working anymore.

The circumstances of life pave the way, almost entirely, as to what I will listen to at any given moment. Whether it be breaking sub-woofers in an attempt to create the most all-out, rollicking rave while I drunkenly bounce off walls and bruise every inch of my soft body, or whether I'm curled up, face tucked deeply into a pretty cushion with huge, warm, enveloping headphones singing sweet, gentle melodies into my consciousness. So this blog reflects that, increasingly. It is not something I can help, nor will apologise for. Not always at the cutting edge of the latest releases, because, for me, that is not very frequently how music works and, in my humble opinion, is not how music should be listened to. We've kind of got muddled in this world of immediacy where an album or track is forgotten of as quickly as it is conceived.

Right now my life makes Hollyoaks look boring and banal. (Incest and psychotic murder is never boring)

So, if I'm honest with you, I'm trying hard to put on a very well practised facade. Thus, it is probably no surprise I've found myself listening to very garbled and noisy music. Reflects the inside of my head better.

I love Four Tet.

Four Tet - Smile Around The Face [via YouSendIt for 7 days]

A new dawn..

Life is going to be different now. Its very scary and nerve-racking. But I'm attempting to be uncharacteristically positive about it all.

I must say at certain points its a lot easier. Yet there are little reminders all around of what has been lost. And the nights bring the new, challenging and frightening loneliness that I had not anticipated.

I'm hoping to maybe experience new things, reinvest some energy into me and myself; and, thus emerge all the better. New improved! I just reckon it is going to take the possibly shedding of my own body weight in tears to get there.

So I heard this song in the car of a pretty significant journey this afternoon and it was all I could do to force back the tears.

The Beach Boys - Good Vibrations [via YouSendIt for 7 days]

Bare with me. It is going take everything I have to keep myself stable and not having an extensive list of people to rally round me any support would be greatly received by your ever tinged-with-cynicism,-tragedy-and-humour writer.

Adorno will break your legs..

This man! Oooo! This bloody man!

Imagine, if you will, one of those times when you just simply unable to adequately articulate your frustration at something or, more precisely, someone.

I am grappling for a piece of understanding. A little insight. Something just to ease all of this.

The man above is with whom I'm fighting. Theador Adorno. It is a charged and angry relationship we have. He is dead and he seems to be taking my brain and all its capabilities with him. Fucking bastard!

Ahem. He did actually have some very valid points. But he and I seem to disagree on the importance and relevance of popular culture in its own right, without the money-making agenda. But it is incredibly interesting to see a musicologist that was as disappointed at the way in which the sphere music was treat by capitalist profiteers as I have always felt.

The man will make me cry before the essay is done.

A fitting song? Ignore the James Murphy connections.

Hot Chip - Wrestlers [via YouSendIt for 7 days]

Matthew Dear

Not having proper access to a computer is so annoying.



Now after weeks of attempting to deal with the very painful and tragic circumstances that led to my not being able to see Hot Chip and Matthew Dear at Newcastle I've come to realise that carrying this round with me is not healthy. It should be shared and articulated.

Matthew Dear is fantastic. This is very late in the day, I realise, to be passing on such declarations, however, I am not ultra-quick-hyper-uber-hipster-cool. And Matthew Dear will trangress such silliness and epochs of time.

Get a jiggle on to Don & Sherri and hope my powers of eloquence return!

The Voluntary Butler Scheme

Today was always going to require a small miracle.

Who thought I'd find it on MySpace before 10am?

The Voluntary Butler Scheme is a one-man-name kind of affair. But don't think you are going to be jipped out of a full auditory sensation. No, Rob Jones will not only hold your hand through the gorgeous sounds but he'll fill your mind with lyrics of dreaming and pining. Which, lets face it, is usually the basis for the most heartfelt lyrics that will instantly become your favourite song-that-expresses-everything-I-just-can't-quite-express-yet.

Think cute indie-pop, but lonelier.

And being totally astounding and giving there is a free mini EP. Follow the link below. It was written in a lunch break and recorded in an evening! Doesn't that just make you feel like you totally waste your time? Well, it does me. Probably because I do.

The Voluntary Butler Scheme - The Vol-Au-Vent EP [via MySpace]